Unpacking Diabetes Guilt and Shame

Feelings of guilt and shame for my diagnosis came from family, friends, and even my doctors. That’s why I practice self-compassion.

What if I exercised more? What if I lost weight like I said I was going to? What if I didn’t eat so much junk food? What if I took better care of myself?

These are all questions I asked myself after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes when I was 21.

Feelings of guilt and shame are common with a diabetes diagnosis. The “what-ifs” are real — but living in a past you can’t change doesn’t do your current health any favors.

Unloading the guilt and shame I’ve held onto for years was a crucial step in my wellness journey.

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Why do I feel shame or guilt for my type 2 diabetes?

My guilt started immediately after I was diagnosed. At that time, I was planning my wedding, and all I could think was, “My poor husband, having to be stuck with a sick person.”

Thinking our entire life would change from being young and free to being saddled with doctor’s visits, medications, and complications made me feel like a burden.

For the first 6 years of living with type 2 diabetes, I didn’t do much to help myself or improve my health. I was living in denial. I didn’t feel sick or look sick, so I didn’t need to do anything differently, right?

Now I know better. If I could go back, I’d take my diagnosis more seriously. I feel guilty for the years I neglected myself and potentially caused permanent damage to my body.

The shame I felt came later when the outside world told me I was to blame for my disease despite my extensive family history.

This came from well-meaning family members, strangers, and even my own medical team. I felt like I was never doing enough to help myself.

People would assume I was either following the “wrong diet,” not exercising enough, not seeing the right doctors, or not taking the right medications.

I’d hear things like:

• “If you don’t get your numbers down, you’ll have to go on insulin.”
• “You probably ate too much junk food as a kid.”
• “You must not be a good diabetic if you’re on medication.”
• “Should you really be eating that?”

Causes of guilt and shame

The belief that type 2 diabetes is purely a lifestyle disease brought on by poor habits alone is a widely held misconception that can cause feelings of guilt and shame.

Some triggers of these feelings are:

• being on medication rather than the condition being managed by diet and exercise alone
• being made to feel at fault for my type 2 diabetes diagnosis
• life revolving around my numbers and having that impact on others
• having to eat differently than others
• delaying treatment or monitoring to avoid making others uncomfortable
• fearing people’s reactions, so I avoid telling them about the diagnosis
• my medical team being disappointed in my progress

I used to believe if I did this to myself, surely I could undo it, right? So many believe all a person with diabetes needs to do is lose weight, eat right, and exercise.

The reality is that this disease has a lot to balance, and its management is complicated.

I’ve learned to ditch the guilt and shame by recognizing what I can control and focusing on those actions. I can’t change the past, but I can work on the “right now” by moving my body, being mindful of how I fuel my body, and being intentional with how I talk to myself.

I’ve also learned to limit interactions with people who tend to spew ignorant comments about my disease by choosing my circle and my medical team carefully.

How to practice self-compassion

When you’re feeling negative thoughts creeping in, it helps to have a toolbox of self-compassion strategies to pull from:

• Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to someone you love: Look in the mirror and give yourself the pep talk you need.
• Journal your feelings with a brain dump: There’s no need to be fancy. Just write down everything you’re thinking and feeling at the moment.
• Step outside: Don’t underestimate the power of fresh air. Take a moment, breathe, and enjoy the stillness.
• Embrace the power of affirmations: Choose a few favorites and put them on Post-it notes where you can always see them.
• Take a laugh break: Pull up a funny YouTube video or scroll TikTok for some comedic relief to boost your mood.

Takeaway

Feelings of guilt and shame are a common experience for people living with type 2 diabetes, but they don’t need to paralyze us into inaction.

By recognizing these feelings and working through them, we can move forward with what matters most: becoming the very best version of ourselves and loving ourselves along the journey.